About Kids

It doesn’t happen that often to me, but in the last couple of weeks I’ve managed to bump into several people who really dislike children.  Or maybe it’s not that they necessarily dislike children, it’s more that they are made extremely uncomfortable by the presence of children.  For the record, when these encounters occurred I had only one or none of my children with me, and I’m pretty sure the situations wouldn’t have even developed had all four kidlets been present because the people simply would have been too intimidated by all the kids!

For example, a few weeks ago I was in a restaurant, out to breakfast with Dr. Peds and Mr. Trouble on Feet.  The others were at school.  Mr. Trouble on Feet was busy eating his pancakes and various remnants of food off our plates.  Alone, an only child, he is pretty easily entertained, so going out to a restaurant with just him is a lot different than going to a restaurant with all the kids, even though the big kids are now very well behaved at a restaurant.  (Even four well behaved kids at a restaurant creates a certain amount of craziness).  A lady, probably in her fifties, approached us and made a comment about how well behaved Mr. TOF was, and stated ominously, “I really don’t handle children well, and he’s not even bothering me.  The other day I was in here and there was a table with two children who were so loud and screamed so much I needed to leave the restaurant.”  It definitely seemed that she did not have any chidren of her own.  I’m sure she meant to be nice, but really I wasn’t sure what to think.  Was it good that she didn’t have kids of her own?  Bad?  Should she be more flexible?  Perhaps the parents really weren’t doing a good job of working with their kids in that situation?  Sometimes it seems to me that those who have never had kids are the people who complain the loudest about kids being disruptive.   They’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a child, and they have never had to experience the fact that even if you do all the right things as a parent, your child ultimately has free will and sometimes can make bad choices in public places.  Really, I don’t know any parents who WANT to be at a restaurant while their child is throwing a tantrum or acting out of control. In fact, I bet those parents wished at that time they were at restaurant enjoying a quiet meal without their kids.  In fact, they probably would have appreciated a restaurant without any kids at all. Let’s face it, no one really enjoys being around disruptive kids, but being disruptive somehow seems to be an essential element of being a kid.  I wasn’t sure if I should be glad this woman had little experience with kids because that was a good thing given her personality, or to think that experiencing children more would have transformed her into a more flexible person.

Then, just last week I was in a small group meeting for a Bible study.  The group is made up of multigenerational people, and I love that.  There are college students, quite a few young families with kids zipping around (three of my kidlets are at AWANA at this time, so I’m actually only bringing MR. TOF) and some older couples as well . . . grandparent-aged people.  The group meets at the leader’s home, and mostly the preschoolers are playing downstairs, but of course they are running up with questions and disasters that need to be taken care of frequently.  At this meeting some people, grandparent-aged people who were familiar to me from church but whom I did not really know came for the first time.  They didn’t realize that all those children were going to be running around, and the lady, a very nice lady, seemed very uncomfortable.  I felt kind of bad about that.  Our leader at one point was introducing some of the roles that the church was hoping the small groups could fill, such as serving in the church.  He gave the example of helping out in the nursery as one way that small groups might be involved, and the lady nearly jumped out of her seat.  She looked as though her skin might be crawling and pleaded desperately that we not serve in the nursery.  Anything but the nursery!  She had never had kids and said she just didn’t understand them and their crying gave her a headache.  Then I did feel sad!  She was such a nice person, and I felt so badly that kids made her so uncomfortable and that she misses out  on all the wonderful aspects of children.

It’s true that kids cry.  They whine, kick, scream and are loud when they are distraught, and sometimes there is little you can do to console them.  Sometimes they do mean things and don’t even feel bad about it.  It’s what we grown ups do too, only we are just a lot better at hiding our feelings and actions that society might not agree with.  BUT, kids are also the most creative creatures you will ever run across, with seemingly boundless energy and optimism. Their imaginations amaze me constantly.  They are quick to forgive, quick to move on, and have the best sounding laughter you will ever experience.

I’m so blessed to have been around kids my whole life, so thankful to be comfortable around them, because even though they can be exhausting in ways that reach deep, they are also such a source of inspiration and joy.  I am thankful that I went right from being a kid to babysitting kids to learning how to teach kids and about their development, to actually spending my days teaching them until I had lots of kids of my own.  I really can’t imagine my life without lots of kids in it, and hopefully I will never have to.  Really, I don’t want to judge people who don’t like kids or are uncomfortable around them.  It surprises me when I meet them, and I instantly wonder if my kids are offending them, but it’s more that I can’t imagine myself in their situation, and I can’t help but feel that they are missing out on some of the best things about the world, across all cultures.