The Week of Unibrow

It seemed completely out of the blue.  Mr. TOF looked over at me with a sad, sad face and said, “Mom, I really, really wish I had a unibrow.  One of those eyebrows that goes all the way across above your eyes.”

Let me first interject, that the genetics for someone in my family having a unibrow is practically nil.  Body hair is very scarce in our family.  Even my husband doesn’t have much (thank goodness!).  The body hair that we do have is practically invisible. Most of the time I count this is as a blessing.  Less shaving.  YaYa, The Banana and I have so little hair above our eyes that it looks like we don’t even have eyebrows.  In fact, we almost look a little strange because not having eyebrows makes our foreheads look even bigger.  I’ve just embraced this.  Eyebrows are not important to me.  Actually I think they are a little bit weird.

Most certainly, no one in our immediate family has a unibrow.  There just isn’t enough hair to go around.

Although, I do have an uncle who has embraced his unibrow.    But he’s pretty much an anomaly.

It turns out that one of Mr. TOF’s good friends has a unibrow.  One day on the bus Mr. TOF apparently asked him, “What is that thing above your eyes that goes all the way across?”

“Oh!  That’s my unibrow!” he replied.  The two of them decided that unibrows were terrific.  They kind of make a person look like a villain, and it’s especially great when the unibrow sinks in the middle and makes two peaks, like the letter “M.”

Mr. TOF had some major unibrow envy.

I couldn’t help but text my sister-in-law, because she always hoped her kids would not end up with unibrows. She laughed hysterically.

Then I sent her a little video clip of Mr. TOF explaining in dramatic exciting terms why he loves unibrows.  She laughed even harder.

A few days later a package arrived from Amazon, addressed to Mr. TOF.  He was delighted.  A package!  And even better, a self adhesive unibrow was inside!  He decided not to use the self adhesive tape yet.  He’s saving that for a special day, so he just runs around holding the unibrow up to his forehead. He has the best Auntie ever.

Then, a few days later, another package arrived on the door step.  This time inside were 12 pairs of black sunglasses with a unibrow across the top.  Auntie Jennifer did not know that she had ordered a dozen glasses, but all the better!  Twelve pairs of hairy glasses!  Now everyone in the family can wear unibrow glasses.  Even the neighbors can wear unibrow glasses.

The black shades make him look extra-villainous. 

On Saturday Mr. TOF attended the symphony with me.  Of course he wore his suit! (Who would pass up a suit wearing occasion?)  The unibrow sunglasses made him look like he was part of the mafia.