Conversation from the Back of the Van
Yesterday evening we were invited on a little dinner cruise aboard a tourist boat to meet other new people my husband is working with. The event was a tad overstimulating (lots of REALLY LOUD music to go with the beautiful scenery) but we had a terrific time. The sunset was absolutely amazing. I would have taken a picture, except that I was busy bouncing The Banana in her sling because she was fussy and tired.
When we decided at late notice that we would go on the boat ride, I dressed my troop practically, in lots of fleece, because I knew the breeze would be a bit chilly, and they were quite comfortable as far as the temperature went. Because I’m a practical girl, and I knew I would have The Banana in the fleeze sling, which causes most of my clothes to bend, twist and stretch in the most unbecoming fashions possible, I chose a comfy charcoal grey, well worn sweatshirt for my attire, forgetting that most of these people would be coming from work, nicely dressed up.
So, I felt rather like a stick-out stay-at-home mom. All the other stay-at-home moms looked so much more fashionable, and pretty much every one else was dressed professionally. I mentioned this to my husband, who said not to worry, to stop being paranoid, no one was staring at me. I relaxed and enjoyed the trip (as much as possible when bouncing a crying infant and trying to keep an eye on two preschoolers so they don’t fall overboard).
Driving my kids back home in the van, Ms. Crazy Preschooler pipes up from the very back seat:
Ms. CP: Mom, some people look really nice when they wear fancy clothes and pretty dresses.
Me: Mmmm Hmmmm.
Ms. CP: But some people wear those holey shirts that look lacy and you can sort of see through them, and I don’t really like that. I don’t think that looks very nice.
Me: Oh.
Ms. CP: But I would never tell them that. Because that wouldn’t be very nice. That would be kind of rude.
I still don’t like those fancy see-through shirts though. And sometimes they wear that lip polish and makeup, and that can look a little strange.
Me: Well, it’s OK to not like those things as long as you are polite about it and don’t tell the people that. You don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Ms. CP: I know.
Long, Long thinking pause. Silence. Silence. Silence.
Ms. CP: Mom?
Me: Yeah?
Ms. CP: (Spoken in the most happy, cheery and positive voice) You are REALLY good at not being fancy! You are so great at being plain! That’s because you usually have spit up from Hannah on your shirt, and stuff from Noah’s nose on your shirt, and part of our dinner on your shirt, and your pants are kind of dirty from crawling on the floor.
Observant, isn’t she? Maybe she’ll be a writer someday, with that ability to notice details and put things together.
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2 Comments
Carm
Hooray for plain!
Kimberly
I really, really enjoyed this story. This summer the company at which I work hosted a picnic that started right after work. Since we live out of town, there wasn’t enough time to stop at home. Kevin picked up Grace from daycare and met me at my office to attend the picnic.
Grace has a wonderful daycare. They do crafts, play hours upon hours outdoors, and eat good food like spaghetti and casseroles. All of these activities are great for a child, but incredibly messy.
As Kevin and Grace met me at my office, I quickly used a wet wipe to take the worst grime off Grace’s face. There wasn’t much I could do about the dirt and food stains on her shirt. I had dressed her nicely that morning, but keeping in mind tht she would be playing all day, she was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
While at the picnic, I became more and more self-conscious of the stay-at-home moms. They were glaringly obvious to me. They had bathed, pressed, & primped to perfection. They and their lovely children came in perfectly clean sundresses without a single food stain. Their children’s hair was perfectly combed and in place.
After the picnic at home that night, I was nearly in tears. No matter how hard I try, my family will never look put together like that. My pretty little girl will never be that clean, when she is picked up from daycare and quickly brought to the next activity. And the guilt, oh the guilt.
So, this story brought not just a chuckle, but a glimpse at what I know is true. There is no magic answer. Mothers feel guilty no matter what. While you were self-conscious about your sweatshirts, some stay-at-work mom was probably feeling badly that in her rush to work and to the boat, she had forgotten a nice warm fleece sweatshirt for her child. Guilt and motherhood seem to go hand in hand. When you find a way to rid yourself of that guilt, please let me know!